I know a couple who decided early in their marriage (which has lasted 40 years now) that they would tell each other any time they felt at all attracted to another person. Not just “I’m tempted to have an affair” attraction, they confessed attractions much smaller than that.
Does that idea make you break out in a cold sweat or what? I mean, yeah, it’s a great way to prevent temptation from growing, but wow, even the small stuff?
Part of why this has worked for them is they can both be reasonable if the other says, “I really like Sam, maybe a bit more than I should.” This is about trust and accountability and petty jealousy isn’t allowed.
Beyond that idea, what if you’re seriously attracted to some women other than your wife? You know what I mean – you enjoy being with her a bit too much. Her attention makes you feel good in a way only your wife should. It might include some sexual temptation, but it might not. Do you share these feelings with your wife or keep them hidden away?
Some would say “What good could come from sharing it, I will only hurt my wife.” The real issue is the bad that can come from keeping it hidden. It’s a secret and keeping secrets from your wife is never good. And because it’s a secret it gets a boost from the “forbidden” factor. If you share it the odds are good the feelings will lessen. If you don’t share it the odds are good the feeling will grow.
If you do share it, make sure it’s all about you. Admit you have feelings you think are wrong or dangerous. Tell your wife it has nothing to do with any lack in your relationship with her. Also, tell her what steps you are taking to avoid unnecessary contact with the woman. Then keep your wife in the loop as you work to change the situation.
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Article from: The Generous Husband, by The Generous Husband
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